Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Coming out of the pose, staying in balance

This morning my pit bull, Lugh, and I hiked for an hour on South Hill, enjoying the spring warmth and sunshine, the sound of the birds, the squirrels for chasing. We came home, and he fell asleep on a quilt in the sun while I did yoga. I'm enjoying the aimlessness of my unemployed days. For some reason, I'm not panicked about our joblessness (Adonis has three months to go till he graduates) or our dwindling bank account. I have faith that things are going to be fine. Things are fine now. I don't know where this faith has come from, but I'm not enquiring too closely. It's grace.

Being unemployed means I can spend lots of time with Lugh while he's a puppy. It means I can take half a day to spend with a friend who's mourning the unexpected death of her dog. I can write, read, meditate, daydream, cook, walk, do yoga, go to the gym. I'm living in the now, because the future is uncertain - we don't know where we'll be living in three months or what jobs we'll have. We're not totally at the mercy of the job market; I'm leaving academia so I won't have to be. We've decided that we'll stay where we are if we can find satisfactory employment, or we'll move to New York City. Either way, I'll be happy. But not knowing means there's nothing for my fantasizing mind to chew on. I'm in the present. It's a good lesson for life, for the future is always this uncertain, even if it doesn't seem that way.

Last week in yoga class, while practicing Vrikshasana, or tree pose, my teacher told us about something yogi Amrit Desai once said: "I may come out of the pose, but I never come out of balance."

My tarot card for this year is the Hanged Man. His message is: let go, surrender, there are forces at work beyond your control. Accept what is. End the struggle. Joanna Powell Colbert has beautifully reintepreted this card as The Tree: "She is able to stay centered even when her world is in upheaval, when the horizon is off-kilter and all things are topsy turvy. Perhaps our yogini is right side up in an upside down world. Perhaps she has learned to 'let go and let God/dess', and perhaps she will teach us how to do the same."

Uranus is transiting my sun and north node, which are conjunct in Pisces in the eleventh house. Uranus is about seeing the possibilities of your life and destiny. But a Uranus transit is a bumpy ride, because, in the words of my astrologer, "Uranus doesn't give a shit what you're attached to." That's hard on the ego, which likes its attachments, thank you very much. You have to have faith during this period, because changes happen like lightening flashes - you get quick, sudden illuminations. You can't get attached to any particular idea about your life, because changes are coming quickly. "You have to let go of what you thought your life was supposed to be like." Shit. That nails my experience of life right now. Topsy turvy. And yet, by some grace, no matter how many times I fall out of the pose, I'm managing to keep my balance.

1 comment:

Andy said...

And enjoying the time you have right now while unemployed - wow, that's a real blessing! So many people tend to worry away the hours in that situation. It's like they feel guilty for having nothing pressing to do. I hope you continue to make the most of this free time! x