Saturday, February 11, 2006

Thoughts along the path

  • Here is someone doing the kind of work I want to do. Adonis says that one of my gifts is imbuing life with meaning and helping others see their lives within a context of greater meaning. I'm grateful to him for articulating this, and I know he's right.
  • Music for Zen Meditation helps calm my dog. We're listening to it right now. So does The Mask and Mirror (but that one drives Adonis mad when he's trying to sleep, as he is now).
  • I crave intimate connection with other people. I want community. I really value it. At the same time, I isolate myself from others. I don't reach out. I don't admit to myself or anyone else how much I need other people. To keep myself from feeling my need for friends and community, I often become judgmental of other people. I also tell myself that people don't really care about what's going on with me. Why won't I let myself have what I most desire?
  • Adonis and I are having a ritual this fall to celebrate our love within the context of our beloved community. We want to honor and thank the people, and the place, that have nurtured our relationship. It's our "unwedding." I want a pithy, descriptive term or phrase to describe what we're doing. I like the idea of placing the ritual firmly within a Pagan context, but I don't like the symbolism of handfasting, in which the couple's hands are bound together with ribbon or rope.
  • This candle, scented with cedar, sage, and sweetgrass, is rocking my world.
  • I haven't had a proper herb garden in four years, since we moved into our current apartment with no room to garden. I have grown herbs in pots on my front step. I'm craving my own garden again, and I'm thinking about leasing a plot at the community gardens this summer. Will I really tend it? Or will it feel like "too much work" when it's hot out and I have to drive or bike several blocks to get there? Will the other gardeners hate me for planting mints, which spread incorrigably? I can't wait to have an herb garden again that I can tend year after year. When I have my own land, I'll plant stinging nettle and let the dandelions and plantain flourish.
  • I'm thinking seriously about having a baby.
  • My ideas about who I should be and how the world should be often get in the way of my knowing what I truly desire.
  • I'm ready for what's next.

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